standvastig | Abraxas Inbox

[In between hiding in his qurters and hanging out in the town, Jasper finds himself facing unwanted choices. Fingers tap the table. He leans forward and pinches his nose. He loses himself between curiosity and anxiety - but finds focus in how his old friend keeps his anger under lock and key.]

It seems too late to hit the town.

[The night is young but spending time as friends hardly seems right.]

Better we just return to our quarters.

[Hendrik hums faintly at Jasper's decision. He isn't about to go against his wishes on this matter, but he had wanted to discuss somewhere relatively private. Others could be in their shared rooms.]

Very well.

[He proceeds to start down the corridor to the Summoned's wing, pondering what else to say.]

I would have never thought that you believed that. That I was favored by His Majesty. That you were somehow not.

[Jasper holds his tongue and listens until others sound out of earshot. Hendrik is oblivious and without a shred of guile. Can he blame his foolish old friend for the calamity that befell the world? He closes his eyes and rubs one in the corner with the tip of his finger. No, he cannot. He can only accuse him of being so blind.

Frightened to touch a sensitive issue, fearing the end of an uneasy peace, he leaves those words hanging upon the air.]

Somehow?

[The world shrivels upon his tongue - his mind finding it bitterly sour.]

I would have expected my oldest friend would notice me being forced aside.

I cannot say that I saw anything amiss. I was kept busy with my duties and told that you were similarly busy.

[And that never ceased to stop being true, as far as he can recall. They were constantly busy, whether it be with campaigns or meetings or training or some form of ceremony or festival that had to be attended. There is a reason why his closest companion is his horse.]

It would behoove you to know what I have seen and heard since the Fall. What His Majesty has had to say of you.

[Perhaps it would be best to leave the hallways before he says anything, though. He keeps an eye out for somewhere to divert them to from their current path.]

[The conversation turns towards private affairs - and he notices his companion searching for an appropiate setting for their discussion. It provokes his nerves and prompts his hands to slide into pockets hidden beneath his robe. The words his adoptive father had shared - they bother him yet had never bothered him at all.

He feels the invisible weight of his pendant, a figurative stone around his neck. It reminds him he believes wrong. There is a reason he kept it close. Some reason Hendrik calls upon his sense of duty. Not that he anticipates much Only a foolish man would expect kindness.]

How so?

[It is an invitation for Hendrik to continue.]

[Even when he is now prompted to talk, Hendrik focuses on finding somewhere to stop in the castle. He finally chooses one of the castle's balconies, stepping out to a cool evening breeze that and an empty spot where they can speak more freely. (Not that he has not been speaking his mind rather plainly thus far.)]

Perhaps it is better to phrase it as what His Majesty has not had to say of you.

[While that may sound ominous by itself, Hendrik only pauses briefly before continuing.]

His Majesty had to be informed of everything that occurred prior to us awakening after the events in the heart of the World Tree. I, of course, told him of you and your change of allegiance.

[He sighs. To say King Carnelian's decision made him uncomfortable was an understatement.]

He told no one. None of the people of Heliodor know of your betrayal.

[Jasper has nothing to declare. What might he say? Why mention anything? He looks aside towards the castle town and finds himself reminded of nights spent watching the sunset back home. Nothing is a better memory - except he cannot stand the sight. His gaze turns towards the floor in thoughtful shame.

It means nobody knows about his anger; his loneliness of rejection hidden away because it might upset others. The decision makes him pause. He wrinkles his nose and directs his gaze back towards the horizon. He turns his focus upon Hendrik after a moment. He watches him sigh and fails to share his own discomfort. Believing he was a disappointment is simple. It helps him focus on the logical reasons for that decision to hide his crimes.

The decision was emotional and pragmatic. It reveals his importance was more than he believed - and that is the most difficult reason to accept out of all.]

I expect you hardly understand why.

[He pauses for a moment to process emotions and face consequences.]

It must have been difficult to accept the deception.

[They hold very different ideas of what saving face means.]

[He doesn't know what he had expected in response to his "revelation," but it is a relief that Jasper does not find reason for immediate upset with his words. He walks to the balcony railing, somewhat unsettled as he compares the peaceful night of Thorne with the unnatural darkness that befell Heliodor.

It takes a moment to refocus on their conversation.]

I do not particularly want to assume anything with His Majesty's thoughts. I know it is something that he did not decide upon as soon as I told him.

[It is strange to hear Jasper empathize on the matter, considering how he has reacted in the past. But he appreciates the gesture.]

Staying silent is something I have become remarkably adept at.

[A second of self-deprecation.]

However, I can see the wisdom of His Majesty's decision. The people hold out hope that you are alive.

[The opinion he shares is a curious one: analytical and cold in observing the situation. He finds his anger for being treated as though his betrayal matters not - raw and warm and hot - but feels little little after what happened upon the bridge.

He turns his gaze towards the last signs of sunlight. Shows his back to his old friend and reflets on his last words. He desires to claim people should not cling onto something impossible to find. He grits his teeth, tenses his body and exhales loudly.

There is nothing but silence for half a minute.]

If His Majesty had any sense of the situation he would have realised that was the wrong decision to make.

[His tone is fucious but not towards others.]

Perhaps.

[In the past, he would have been appalled by the thought of dissenting with the king's decision, but experience has proven that he should not think such decisions infallible. Even if he does trust that King Carnelian acts without the influence of Mordegon, there is more to take into consideration there.]

His last memories of you are of a man sixteen years younger. He knows nothing of who you currently are.

[Time drags on. Two seconds. Three. Ten. Twenty sees him reach the limits of his patience - his confusion becoming visible. His eyes narrow. His shoulders roll in discomfort. His brow furrows and his mind struggles to accept a thought floating around in the farthest reaches.

If Carnelian has no memory of him for twenty years, then...

His fists clench while feet spread in a wide stance. He cannot accept this! He cannot accept dying for nothing.]

That is most convenient.

[For himself well as the man in question. His tone, however, is hardly accusing.]

Am I to believe he speaks the truth?

Convenient?

[Surprise and agitation start slipping into his tone before he reins in his feelings. Hands curl into fists. He's trying to be calm about all of this.]

...You are free to believe what you wish, Jasper. I can only speak to what I have seen and heard. And one of the first things His Majesty asked when he awoke was if Princess Jade had been found.

[Jasper wrinkles his nose and grinds his teeth. Hands slide away from his hips, arms cross over his stomach. Emotions and lies created over decades refuse to shatter under a convenient truth. It is difficult to change his views after having them warped much of his life.

It is increasingly more difficult to realise the problem. Anger has nowhere to go and coils his body head to toe.]

I can imagine the news came as an utter shock.

[He understands Carnelian would first act like he had on that fateful day. He just cannot accept it so easily.]

[Hendrik looks over at Jasper at that, frowning quietly. Even if he cannot see the other man's expression, there is enough to see in his body language to know that he is not doing well with this conversation.

He turns his gaze upward, towards an unfamiliar night sky.]

Yes. He has been mostly bedridden since the Fall. I give my reports to him by his bedside.

I dare say I am hardly surprised.

[Hendrik looks towards the sky. Jasper looks upon the earth. Lights of dwellings glow amidst the darkness, twisting his expression as he reminices about witnessing the torches of the last bastion. His old friend follows orders without question. It hardly surprises him that he would kneel at the old man's bedside.]

You always were a dutiful soul.

[The comment draws a brief fire of resentment from Hendrik, and he shuts his eyes to the moon. A dutiful soul. It feels bitter coming from Jasper.]

In any case, that is all I wanted to say. We can return to heading to our rooms now.

[Walls. Windows. Wind. Jasper turns his back on that nostalga; his face twisting in a bitter expression of loss and anger that vanishes with the breeze.

He wonders if he should argue for his feelings or make demands on his old friend's time. Perhaps he should hold his tongue. Perhaps he should head indoors and hide his face.]

I suppose there is nothing else for us to discuss.

[It is agreement more than argument.]

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